This is the fifth time I’ve tried to write a blog post here. It’s not as if nothing interesting has happened of late, it’s just that I’m pretty tired from last night and my usual quick wit and wordy banter aren’t coming as naturally to me as I would have hoped. Last night I participated in a sleepover which was super fun, we stayed up all night painting each other’s toenails, talking about what our respective first kisses will be like and daydreaming about one day creating our own real life baby sitters club.
But, as referenced in a previous post, I am an awkward sleeper. This person has stayed over before so you would think I would know what to expect in terms of breathing patterns and sleep positions, but no, I still lay down next to them and was immediately awkward. Is it offensive if I fidget? What if I fart in my sleep? What if I drool? What if I drool on them? What if I roll over, land on top of them and then we both wake up to find ourselves in a strangely awkward situation involving flanelette?
So to avert any disasters, I simply didn’t sleep. And now it’s 1pm. I have to go to work soon and sit in front of a vividly blue screen and try to get complete strangers to participate in surveys and try deaperately to stay awake and not fall asleep on my cubicle wall thereby knocking it down and creating a collapsing cubicle domino effect. I would be shunned from the office if that happened.
And, just in case this person reads this post (someone reads my blog? No way!), I want them to know that I in no way blame them for my total lack of sleep. It is my own fault. I was in my bed. I should have a reasonable enough brain to realise that nothing awful is likely to happen to me when I’m sleeping next to someone who doesn’t snore or fidget a lot and that the chances of a huntsman spider crawling into my mouth, trotting down my throat and landing in my stomach, then proceeding to lay millions of baby spider eggs in my stomach which will then grow up and eat me to death from the inside out in a massively painful Melissa buffet frenzy, are actually quite slim.
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